I Didn't Tell Anyone I Was Pregnant

I was almost thirty eight. I already had three kids. One was only two years from graduating high school. I was not trying for a fourth but not not trying if you get my drift.

I had found out at just about five months along and I found it very hard to tell anyone I was pregnant. I wasn't ashamed. I wasn't embarrassed. I just didn't want to hear anyone's shit.

My husband was recently unemployed and I didn't want to hear the "What are you going to do?"
I didn't want to hear the judgment about my age. I didn't want to hear about my husband or I "getting fixed." I didn't want people talking crap about possible names and I for sure didn't want to hear about how many children I already had or the fact I was considering homebirth.  I just wanted to be left alone.

But where is the rule I have to tell anyone anyway? Where is it set in stone?

I really struggled with how to tell anyone. I've never had a positive experience when I told people in the past and I just dreaded telling anyone this time around. I shared my angst with my midwife. She said "I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until after the baby was born. They could either accept her or move on." That helped me feel so much better. I was no longer the only one who has ever dealt with this struggle. Although I didn't consciously say I wasn't going to tell anyone until after the baby's  arrival; it happened that way.

I've been fortunate no one has asked me why I didn't announce my pregnancy. I'm happy not to re-hash those emotions. I don't have the desire to get into it and explain how past reactions pushed me to this point. I wanted to enjoy my last pregnancy as much as possible and I just want to enjoy her now that she's here. I don't want anything ruining that with their unwelcome, negative comments.

I can't imagine ever saying the things to a pregnant woman that I've had said to me. I would never want them to have negative, unnecessary memories of their pregnancies and I hate there's people out there who actually think it's ok to behave in such a manner.

Some may say it's selfish I didn't tell anyone, I say it was maintaining sanity.

One thing is for sure though, now that she's here there's not one person who doesn't love her. She's spoiled rotten and I couldn't be happier.